A LiTTLe PiCk-Er Up-PeR

1. Q: What do you get if you see a Mourinho buried up to his neck in sand?

A: More sand.

2. Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Chelsea striker Andriy Shevchenko?

A: Clinton can score.

3. A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me as well.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Watford FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"

4. Q: What tea do footballers drink?

A. PenalTea! (Ya i know corny lol)

5. Apparantly, Tottenham football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.
- they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.

6. Q: What's the difference between an Everton and a supermarket trolley?

A: They're the same. They're both owned by Tesco.

7. Q: How many Tottenham soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.

8. Q: How can you tell ET is a Liverpool fan?

A: Because he looks like one.

9. A MU supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too and your team sucks" replies the doctor.

10. 4 surgeons are taking a tea break:

1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."

4th surgeon says "I prefer Chelsea fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable."

11. Q: What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a broken clock?

A: Even a broken clock is right twice a day!

12. Alan Pedrew (West Ham) was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.

He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

Peace xxx

GuNNeR FoR LiFe